If you’re living with an addicted person chances are you’re caught in a maelstrom of conflicting emotions. For simplicity’s sake, let’s assume this person is your child. It doesn’t matter if said child is 12 or 42 or Accessories of Eyelash Extensions, it’s still your child that has you spinning like a top, keeping you off balance, looking for steady ground.
Lssno Living with an addict is not easy. Let’s face it; it’s downright hard, scary, exasperating, depressing, life-changing and challenging. But there are some points to keep in mind that are so easily lost when you’re in such Accessories of Eyelash Extensions, wondering if you’ll ever get YOUR life back, notwithstanding the life of your child.
First and foremost it behooves us to remind ourselves that we love our child. Sometimes we may tend to forget that when we’re in a state of rage. We’re so full of anger and frustration that we lash out at our child. But it isn’t our child we’re angry with. You may think so when you’re screaming at him or her or pleading with them to stop using. But it isn’t them – it’s the drugs. The drugs which are causing this mayhem aren’t tangible. You don’t see them or feel them. You only see your child who’s been hijacked by what I call the Addiction Monster.
You feel the need to lash out and scream them into sobriety. But, as you know, that approach doesn’t work. Nothing works it seems. So your anger boils over and you’re Accessories of Eyelash Extensions and spent. All your efforts and your child’s efforts at getting “clean” or your child’s refusal to stop using can cause great havoc in your family.
If our child developed cancer would we scream at him or her? Even if it were lung cancer caused by smoking, would we scream at our child? I think not. We would be too busy being sad and filled with worry for their future. So why do we scream at our addicted children? I’ll tell you why. Because we think that their disease – and yes, addiction is a legitimate brain disease – can be cured quite simply: Just stop using. Would that it were that simple. Former First Lady Nancy Reagan’s famous mantra “Just Say No” has made many an addict laugh. As one addict told me, “If we could just say no, we would!”
My youngest son told me, “Mom, nobody wakes up one day and decides to be an addict.” And many an addicted person has said to me, “If I knew how addicting drugs were, that I could become addicted, I would never have started using. My life is a living hell now. Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be this bad? If they did, why didn’t I listen and believe them? I just want my life back. I want to be a kid again. ” These people spend every day mentally flagellating themselves, hating themselves, wanting the addiction to end.
So we must remember that our love should be directed at our child and our anger at the disease, the Addiction Monster. The Monster is in control and is calling all the shots. It takes a supreme amount of effort to overcome this monster, and a supreme desire to vanquish him.
As a mother who has lost her youngest child to this horrendous disease, I can only offer you one bit of advice. Let your child know that you love him or her. When you’re lashing out at them and screaming at them or punishing them or giving them the silent treatment or whatever it is that this scourge causes you to do, they only feel the hatred, the disappointment and their worthlessness. Letting them know how much you love them is not condoning their actions. They must be made to understand that you love them and always will but you hate the disease.
The only consolation that my husband and I have concerning our son’s death at the age of 31 of multiple drug toxicity is that he went to his death knowing he was loved above all. He would tell people how lucky he was that his parents still loved him. Our son was a caring and loving and compassionate person. He was a Paramedic and an RN, always helping people and always rooting for the underdog, adopting animals and always being a loving son to us. THAT was our son. The Accessories of Eyelash Extensions was what he unknowingly and unwittingly invited into his body when he was 17, when he was young and knew it all.
Remember that you didn’t cause this disease, and you can’t cure it. But you can give the one thing that your child needs so desperately; your love.
Sheryl Letzgus McGinnis is the author of four books on drugs and addiction. Her children’s anti-drug book, “The Addiction Monster and the Square Cat” is often on Amazon’s Best Sellers List. She’s written numerous articles for magazines, and has won an award for a short story. She also writes romance books.